Einfache Einsätze, Einfältig Eingefädelt

Das Internet zerstört dein Leben.
Wer das sagt, lebt auch Glutenfrei.
Das wird man ja wohl noch sagen dürfen.
Früher war alles besser.
Die Leute denken einfach nicht nach.
Das interessiert doch niemanden.
Das sind halt so Naturgesetze.

Die Jugend von Heute hat keinen Respekt mehr.
All Cops Are Gay.
Diese verweichlichte Feminismuskultur macht meinen Sohn noch zur Schwuchtel.
Die Linksextremen sind doch genau so schlimm.
Deutschland geht vor die Hunde.
Die Presse lügt.
Son‘ kleinen Hitler bräuchten wir mal wieder.
Es war ja auch nicht alles schlecht.

PS: Dies ist kein Konsistenzartikel, nur ein Gedicht zum Sonntag (Bluttrinker Edition). Es gibt keine Konsistenzartikel mehr, es hat auch noch nie welche gegeben. Konsistenz ist eine Illusion. Zeit ist eine Illusion. Artikel sind eine Illusion. Alles ist eine Illusion. Wach endlich auf! Das Internet zerstört dein Leben!

Edinburgh Expressions

To you, rabble of the internet!

First my apologies for my bad English, but I thought it may be appropriate. And then I just wanted to post the article and not think so much about the text. It is about pictures anyway. So let’s get on with it.

I give to you these fine pictures, examples of the most outstanding craftmanship, open doors to the sensitive mind of the artist as it lays bare before you. As the educated observer can see on first sight the pictures tell a story – a story most human, tragic, hilarious, a story which belongs to the corpus of those tales as old as mankind, a story which raises the great questions about human life itself – where do we come from, where do we go, what about god, are questions separated by commas even proper questions – a story about owl zombies feeding on the brains of the living – bringing mankind to the brink of extinction – and a story – about the – extensive use of – hyphens.

Poetry_Slam_1_kleinIt all began in a dark crowded room with badly drawn faces and a microphone barely visible in the mess of black lines on stage.

Poetry_Slam_2_kleinA guy walked on stage and told the crowd: „We are DOOMED!“ Then he dissolved into bright white light, destroying everything around him.

Jazz_Session_1_kleinEverybody was upset, so a guy with a electric bass and someone with a clarinet took the stage and played some music. Meanwhile glasses-guy, beard-man and hoodie-boy had a plan …Jazz_Session_2_klein

In an unconnected scene a strangely deformed hand occurs, drawing several things.

Jazz_Session_3_kleinBeard-man, glasses-guy and hoodie-boy were searching for six wise persons of knowledge, one of whom was trapped behind black lines. But if all six persons of knowledge were not united they could not activate their secret superpower, which was extremely important to save the world.

Jazz_Session_4_kleinTo free the sixth wise person person of knowledge, they had to master four tasks. They had to beat the talking beer in a discussion about philosophy. They had to find the second eye of the mysterious woman. They had to fight the mighty penguin. And, they had to party with tentacle man.

Jazz_Session_5_kleinThings got messy when the penguin turned into a giant space snail and attacked. It was pure luck that saxophone-girl was around to fight the penguin in form of a giant space snail and save the day, to the delight of beard man, who had changed the shape of his head. However, someone died. The scene ended with a mysterious shot showing only the legs and a small notebook of a person sitting in an armchair. Was he the leader of the owl zombies?

Jazz_Session_6_kleinAs beard-man, glasses-guy and hoodie-boy did their best to save the world more and more people fell victim to the brain loving owl zombies.

Jazz_Session_7_kleinFinally the second eye of the mysterious woman was found. Treebrain had stolen it a long time ago, but he did not want it any more as it made his friend, the bird, sick.

Meadows_2_kleinTentacle man was convinced that visiting a museum was much like visiting a party … that dumb fool. (No, this has to be changed. Don’t we have some spare pictures? No? This is absolutely indecent. You can even see her … hair. Has to changed before publication. And to say Botticelli (with double t you fool) had such profane thoughts – this is an insult to the western art tradition. Has definitely to be changed.)

Hostel_Kitchen_kleinThe fate of the speaking beer was the drainage as it said: „The pen is mightier than the sink!“ The beer, however, did not have a pen.

Jazz_Session_8_klein

Intermission. (Intermission? WTF?! We do not need any intermission. What is this rude carp anyway? „Full frontal nudity“?? This is a highly sophisticated story about mankind fighting for survival. We do not need cheap dirty sex in here! And making the man into a sex object of women?! You can even see his penis! No, no, no, no! This will not make it! As women would have sexual desires anyway! Pah! NO WAY!)

Jazz_Session_9_klein As beard-man, glasses-guy and hoodie-boy had done everything to free the sixth wise person of knowledge, the six wise persons of knowledge transformed into a naked woman with long hair on a balcony. She sent out an army of squared spirals to fight the owl zombies. (Even this might be still a little bit indecent, this is much better than the intermission. Naked women have a long tradition in high arts and are much more aesthetic anyway. And you can not see any genitals. Go on, go on.)

Jazz_Session_10_kleinThe squared spirals defeated the owl zombies and the sun rose again above the ruins of civilization. People were dancing in darkness and light.Hostel_1_klein

But in some dilapidated room with a picture of a cactus, a donkey and a vulture – were those symbols for beard-man, glasses-guy and hoodie-boy? – a giant menacing spider … oh, come on, this is no spider, this is a joke. It is a fat black spot with eight „legs“. This is not menacing, this is no spider, this is pathetic! We will definitely cut this part from the story – it is absolutely unrelated anyway!Hostel_2_kleinThe people were still dancing, everything was good. But wait! They were dancing to „99 Luftballons“! And the mysterious scribbling person was still scribbling and enjoying a cheap beer! And was this giraffe about to resurrect the mighty penguin? And indeed: What about these black spots?
Hopefully not to be continued …

These pictures are arranged in order of their creation.

Edinburgh Impressionen

Dir, Pöbel des Internets, sein nun gegeben mein widerliches Gekritzel von feinster Meisterhand angefertigte, künstlerische Impressionen aus Edinburgh und sonstwo. Natürlich unkommentiert, da solcherlei expressive Impressionen selbstredend durch sich für sich sprechen und so erst von sich reden machen.

Meadows_klein

Die Meadows sind bei gutem Wetter stark frequentierte Wiesen, umrahmt von Bäumen, genutzt zum liegen, sitzen, stehen, laufen, springen, tanzen und Quidditch spielen. Ich hörte, dass nächtens Leute hier ausgeraubt, vergewaltigt und umgebracht werden.

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Calton_Hill_klein

Calton Hill ist ein kleiner Hügel, der, stark frequentiert von Touristen, verschiedene Monumente beherbergt. Er biete eine gute Aussicht über die Stadt zur Burg, Arthur’s Seat und dem Firth of Forth. An der richtigen Stelle stehend rauscht die Stadt hier wie das Meer.
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Lindisfarne_Castle_klein

Lindisfarne Castle auf Holy Island. Die Insel ist mit dem Auto nur bei Ebbe zu erreichen, da die Straße bei Flut … nunja … geflutet wird. Die Burg ist keine richtige Burg, sondern war eine Garnison, bis sie Anfang des 20. Jahrhunderts zum Ferienhaus umgebaut wurde, in welchem Zustand sie auch jetzt zu besichtigen ist.
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Lindisfarne_Ruins_klein

Ruinen eines Klosters in Lindisfarne, das von den Wikingern angegriffen wurde. Dieser Angriff markiert den Beginn der Wikingerzeit. Die Besichtigung kostet eigentlich 4,90 Pfund, aber das Tickethäuschen war nicht besetzt …

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Grassmarket_klein

Das untere Ende des Grassmarkets in Edinburgh. Aber wirklich auch nur der ganz unterste Zipfel. Der Graddmarket erstreckt sich eigentlich weiter nach links und dort gibt es allerlei Pubs und Restaurants.

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Bristo_Square_kleinBristo Square auf dem George Square Campus. Ein immer von Skatern und manchmal auch von Parcours-Leuten bevölkerter Platz. Die Zeit drängte, da das Whiskey Tasting rief.